Well, Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring. I was trying to explain Groundhog Day to my kids recently, and realized I’m still a little unsure how this particular large rodent turned into the nation’s weatherman, but it’s a fun tradition to uphold.
Do you remember the classic 90s movie Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray keeps living the same day over and over again until he learns the lesson he was meant to learn?
I swear that’s my life ya’ll. And there are some areas in which I’m a little thick skulled, because I just don’t seem to be learning the lessons I’m supposed to. So, I keep repeating them.
One of them is fully knowing and embracing that no matter what I look like, or what I accomplish (or don’t accomplish), that I am still worthy.
I’m gonna get really real for a moment. I got divorced last year. I tend to be a pretty private person, to the point that when I told my family, they were shocked. They had no idea we had been having problems, let alone to that degree, for that long. For some reason, vulnerability has always been my nemesis. I like seeming like my life is together, even if it’s all really falling apart.
I joined a few dating apps, because that seems to be the way to meet people these days. (And hoo boy, is dating a whole new world from when I was last in that market.) I went on a few dates, and I met a few nice guys (and a few that made my skin crawl), before I came to the realization that I’m just not ready. The best thing I can do for myself right now is take a step back, take some time to focus on myself and my kids, and figure out what I need to do to heal, so I don’t keep repeating the same patterns, over and over. So I can learn to fully accept myself just as I am, flaws and all.
Have you guessed yet what our theme this month is? Love Yourself. I’m trying to love myself just as I am, without feeling like I need to accomplish anything or look a certain way to be lovable or worthy of love. Anyone else out there still struggle with loving yourself?
Loving myself for me this year starts by admitting that I’m pretty broken right now. My world feels a little upside down and scary…it’s certainly not turning out the way I planned it all out as a little girl.
So for now, I’m working on reading and mediating and spending time with friends and family, and looking forward to that early spring that Phil predicted. It’s helpful knowing that there are brighter days ahead.